Marcus

m-thoughts: Self & Ego

Under the dim lights...

Kaise kahein alvida, mehram...

   

 jo bhi bichde, woh kab mile hain, faraz 

phir bhi tu intezaar kar... shayad...

    

Words and Silences

Nameless

A life so lost

A silence so loud

My feet so tired

Looking for freedom...

Anni

 The Two Faces of My Girlfriend (2007 Korean movie)

Anni: Do u believe in god?

Guchang: I don’t know

Anni: This isn’t fair. He created us flawed. We should be recalled.

G: Recalled?

Anni: Yes. He might’ve forgotten about us... Should we remind him?

G: I wish I knew how.

Anni: Its easy. Watch me. 
(looks up to the sky and shouts) I do exist! 
 I..        DO…        EXIST!

 ***

There’s this song called… “Love is like raindrops outside the window”.

Question! Why is love like raindrops outside the window?

Because they evaporate! 
Not only do they evaporate… 
they leave stains behind. 
That’s love.
~Anni

***

You know what? I feel as if I never existed. 
My heart evaporating into nothing… 
You never felt that?
~Anni

 ***

Anni: What’s the relationship between us?

G: You’re the cigarrete and I’m an ashtray.

Anni: Why am I a cigarette?

G: Because I house the trouble that you cause.

Anni: So if I burn all the way, you’ll throw me away?

G: How can an ashtray throw a cigarette?

Anni: (smiles) You’re right.

 ***

Like a Memory of the Universe

My mind is like a clean slate. It is as if I was born today. Nobody taught me any ideas, nobody handed me any religion. I am free from all outside influence. I know nothing. I only see and sense for myself. And what do I experience…?

I find myself alone. I am just me. And there are million others, just like me, alone themselves. But we also have each other for company, for loving, for sharing and for supporting. We call them our friends and family. We see strangers everywhere- all of them with their own stories, each of them with their thousand experiences of life, filled with both sorrow and laughter. I see prosperity and comfort, and I see people sleeping on the roads, while i pass by them at night. I feel this whole cacophony of sounds and sights filling up my senses when I am amongst the world.

I hold a little baby in my arms and I see life that is innocent, alive and absolutely pure- the proof that perfection of life is a reality. I put her to sleep singing an old nursery rhyme and I feel I have lived well.

In the nights, I see the white moon, shining on quietly. It is so still and calm, although I know that it is moving all the time... When it rains, I get hold of a hot cup of coffee and sit by the window, watching the rain drops wet the leaves of the swaying happy trees and I feel intoxicated. While I travel to the hills, I see the clear night skies, filled with a million stars. I see the beautiful green pines and I see wild orchids in the meadows.

Sometimes i hear the notes of a haunting song that fills my heart with sad melancholy... 

I go to the seas and I feel an ancient tug inside me, as if the sea has been there since aeons and I have stood by it all the time – the sound of the waves, the salt in the air, the gravity of its depth, all so familiar. I have been there before… or am I just a dream, dreaming an old dream, in the memory of the universe… who am i, i often ask….