On going away...

When i die... perhaps my life force shall flow into the world - to the soil, to the trees and flowers, to ants and beetles, to the air, to space and the stars...

May be, i shall be the wind that blows on a bright moon night, somewhere near my home... and i bring the sweet smell of the flowers... to my loved ones... 

...perhaps...

SOUL-BREAKING. Dido.

Speeches wont be made today, clocks will carry on

Flowers wont be left in parks, work will still be done

People wont be dressed in black, and babies will be born

No flags will fly, the sun will rise,

But we know that you are gone...

It wakes me every night, thinking through the day

Did you stop at any time, have doubts at any stage?

Were you calm or were you numb, or happy just to get it done?

Well I've lived my life without regret

until today...

I didnt get to say goodbye, the day before the day

Was trying to get to work on time, and thats why i turned away

And missed the most important thing, you've ever tried to say

Well I've lived my life without regret... until today...

You who love to love, and believed we can never give enough

And you who hoped that underneath, we all felt the same

That was until the day before the day...

The day before the day...

Marcus

Uncertain Story of a Dark Rainy Night

Such a dark night it was, i still remember. I looked up at the sky from my bedroom window, and i could make out no star, no moon, not a flicker of any remnant of a light there might have been in the vast expanse above. Moments later, when i heard the thunder growling angrily, i realised how the dark clouds had covered all the goodness of the night sky. I waited. The rain should come falling down anytime now, i thought. Let it wash away the dust from the roofs of the forgotten cars, from the hidden crevices of the window sills, and from the very soil of the earth itself. Let it satiate the thirsty leaves of the tired trees and let it set free the desolate souls lying awake at this time of the night in their impoverished hopes.

I waited patiently. Let the rain come and play its music in the air. Let it drown all the echoes of the ages that have settled so stubbornly in various nooks and corners of the musty room inside my head. I need to get rid of them. I need some silence... And so i waited quietly... in anticipation and in some graceless impatience.

The very next moment, a lightning flashed and illuminated my dark room for a second. It took me some time to realise it, but i couldnt be mistaken... i clearly saw someone sitting in the corner next to the old wooden cupboard...

He was here. How did i miss it for so long, or did he just come in... I sat tensed and still for sometime in this sudden knowledge, and waited... "May be he will say something, I don't want to be distracted and miss his words. I have been waiting to hear the words for so long..." My heartbeats were gone for a toss, may be to some inhuman rate of pulsation, coz i could not breathe anymore, and yet, i was conscious and sparklingly more alive than usual. Was the oxygen in the air a little manipulated, or was i actually weightless...

Hours passed. We both kept sitting in the dark in each other's presence... not saying a word, yet saying everything..  all our heartaches, the missed tales, the unshared secrets... Rain had come and gone. The night was about to end, and suddenly, i feared the onslaught of the harsh dawn that would empty that corner of my room where he now sat. The bliss of his presence, the overflowing love in the room and his smell..... i couldnt bear to lose them... not again. No, they have to stay.

And even as a slight drizzle continued to wet and patter, I knew what i had to do... it was time...

It is all right and correct now. The world is alright now. The morning arrived, and my room was quite empty...

Paradoxes of Life

Questions of life, universe and everything... we may choose to think about them, we may ignore them, and yet nothing changes. Life goes on as it is supposed to go on. We may choose to make life complicated, and we may keep it simple, and neither idea would be false. For, this life is as paradoxical as the word paradoxical itself.

Life is beautiful- extremely, unimaginably, fantastically... magically. And life is tragic- extremely, intolerably, cruelly... Your heart could be full of laughter one day and the next morning, you could be thrown down the harsh precipice of eternal sorrow.

Life is mundane, and life is unpredictable. Life lets you breathe, and life breaks your wind pipe and takes the mortal energy out of you in a whiff. Beautiful life. Cunning life. Merciful. Harsh. Every moment is a new chapter, every day a new beginning. What has happened in the past is dead and gone, and yet no matter how much you try, you cannot forget the past, for you are what you have been, not what you will become. 

The world is so full and all of us are so lonely... Life is long and yet so short. There is god and there is no god anywhere... 

Tears and laughter, love and hatred, everything that you wish for and everything you abhor, this life brings to you all without rhyme or reason. Our minds are volatile and we keep thinking of 'stuff'. We live and we die, and still this life, the universe and everything, goes on and on... cruelly, intolerably, heartlessly...